{"id":24228,"date":"2025-10-24T17:15:48","date_gmt":"2025-10-24T16:15:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dorjegurung.com\/blog\/?p=24228"},"modified":"2026-02-24T21:35:22","modified_gmt":"2026-02-24T21:35:22","slug":"book-activism-isolation-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.dorjegurung.com\/blog\/2025\/10\/book-activism-isolation-life\/","title":{"rendered":"Beyond the Book: Trading Activism for Isolation to Save My Own Life"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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I read Molecules of Emotion<\/em> by Candace B. Pert not long after I got it in the spring of 2009, when I was living and working in Baku, Azerbaijan. The most important lesson I took from the book was simple yet profound: we can change and transform our lives, even when we are struggling or suffering, by changing the way we think and feel.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The central argument is that when I change my thoughts and emotions, I acquire a different perspective on the things and events that happen to me and around me, as well as on my relationships. Consequently, I experience them differently. Pert posits that the practical path to shifting my thoughts and feelings is to do different things<\/strong> from what I normally does and to do things differently<\/strong> from how I am used to doing them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The underlying mechanism is this: In order to get out of a slump, to recover from depression and self-defeating thought patterns, such as hopelessness, brought on by past trauma, one must change one’s behavior patterns.<\/strong> One must do different things and do things differently in order to think differently and feel differently.<\/strong> This is one of the main reasons why one has to break patterns of thought<\/strong> that keep you locked in the same mental and emotional states. However, learning this insight is one thing; applying it to my own life is, to be sure, quite another.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Unintentional Transformation<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In my case, what happened following the gross injustice I suffered from\u2014my unjust time in police custody in Doha, Qatar\u2014was that, unbeknownst to me for quite some time, I had already changed in many important ways.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Freedom lost unjustly leads one to view and live life in certain, new ways.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

One of the most profound, if painful, things that happens following a traumatic experience is that your life is no longer the same. I no longer looked at and interpreted the world or my relationships the same way I did before the incident. I found myself questioning and re-evaluating everything, including some of my core beliefs and values. This process meant wrestling with myself\u2014and for a long time, I struggled to accept and come to terms with who and what I had become.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Consequently, I began to view life\u2014both my own specifically and life in general\u2014differently. In time, I recognized that a lot of things had changed and were continually changing\u2014even my relationships with people\u2014and I began to LIVE life very differently<\/strong> from both my past self and many people around me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It just took me quite a while to accept and embrace that shift. One reason, I am pretty sure, is the fact that I had next to no one in Nepal who provided any significant emotional and social support to help me wrestle with and navigate through the emotional and intellectual turmoil. The traumatic Qatar ordeal and how it changed and affected me\u2014I was dealing with it entirely alone. I realized, with painful clarity, that I had had NO ONE in Kathmandu helping or assisting with my recovery.<\/strong> Worse, I had people severing ties with me and distancing themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Deliberate Path to Recovery<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Regardless, I eventually recognized that overcoming the many internal and external struggles required that I rebuild or reconstitute myself anew<\/strong>, and that required me to do things differently and do different things\u2014I had to live differently. I reasoned that by doing so, I would open myself up for that which I had been ignoring or suppressing, and in the process, truly transform, as per the lessons I had learned from Molecules of Emotion<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For quite some time following my return, I continued to engage in public-facing and “worthy” causes.<\/strong> I was co-directing a non-profit organization supporting government (public) schools in Kathmandu and rural Sindhupalchok, where we built or stocked libraries in schools, ran scholarship programs for students, and set up Social Businesses. Following the megaquakes of 2015, we were also involved in reconstruction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Beyond the NGO work, I was also deeply involved in activism:<\/strong> this included social justice issues (notably gender and caste-related rights issues) and the issues and plights of migrant workers. I was constantly writing and speaking at schools and on public platforms about education, the caste system, and social justice.<\/strong> Furthermore, I volunteered for the United World College National Committee as a member of the Selection Committee, even raising funds to cover the expenses of the scholars.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yet, after a lifetime of putting others first, I realized this pattern was part of the problem I was facing. I felt a crucial, personal need to change that. While I had rarely ever sought to be the central character even while engaging in all those activities, I realized I had to focus on what I needed and wanted\u2014not in a selfish “me, me, me first” way, but in a necessary way. I had to consciously refocus my attention on my own self and my needs, suffering as I was from disillusion, depression, disconnection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Luckily, in addition to the professional work and activism, I also engaged in activities that, in a way, fed my soul. Not surprisingly, these involved travel. In the fall of 2013, I went on a long trek around Annapurna Sanctuary in Nepal. From April to June in 2014, I traveled to the United States on the invitation of my alma mater, Grinnell College. In 2015 and January 2017, I again travelled to the United States. In 2019, in the Fall, I travelled to India and in the Winter to Eastern Nepal. And finally, in the beginning of 2020, I travelled to Western Nepal. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Choosing Solitude<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Following my thirteen-month visit to North America from April 2015 to April 2016, I realized that I desperately needed to prioritize my recovery<\/strong>. I needed to allow myself time\u2014or, perhaps, force myself\u2014to think and feel differently. From then on, I began taking all kinds of DELIBERATE steps<\/strong> to drastically reduce the things and people to whom I devoted my time, effort, and energy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One of the most important steps I took was a social retreat. I let go of people in Nepal who had distanced themselves from me, including friends who felt I needed to apologize for a blog post I wrote about my personal experience<\/a> of ethnicity- or caste-based discrimination.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This extended retreat included concrete actions rooted in the need for self-preservation:<\/p>\n\n\n\n