{"id":4357,"date":"2014-12-29T13:25:52","date_gmt":"2014-12-29T07:40:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dorjegurung.com\/blog\/?p=4357"},"modified":"2026-03-13T22:17:53","modified_gmt":"2026-03-13T22:17:53","slug":"horn-rules","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.dorjegurung.com\/blog\/2014\/12\/horn-rules\/","title":{"rendered":"Horn Rules"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"FB<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Kathmandu traffic is an endless source of amusement!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The image you see above is about horn use I recently posted on Facebook<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The real problem, of course, is that drivers on the streets of Kathmandu know how to use only three things: their hands, their feet and their horn! They don\u2019t learn, or is never taught, to use the most important organ in their body: their brain<\/a>!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Forget about using their head; they put their heads on the line<\/a> every single day!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, again<\/a>, I wondered, what would Jerry Seinfeld have to say on the subject of horn use? (If you don’t know, he\u2019s already spoken about Kathmandu traffic in another post<\/a>. \ud83d\ude42 )<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s what I imagine him saying, standing up on stage, giving his monologue as he used to do at the beginning of every Seinfeld<\/em> episode.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

* * * * * * * *<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I just came back from a visit to the land of mountains and horns! If you didn’t know…that’s Nepal for you!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I tell you, those guys know how to toot their horns!!! But I get ahead of myself….<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You know how traffic rules govern traffic here in America.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not so in Kathmandu.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They have only one traffic rule in Kathmandu. Only one! I kid you not!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And you know what that is?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is this: there are no rules!! I repeat, there are no rules!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And guess what drives traffic there?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You won\u2019t believe this, but it\u2019s horns!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Again, I am not kidding! Horns rule how, where and when traffic moves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know you think this is ridiculously funny but I kid you not!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do you know how I know this?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know this from the Nepalese drivers in the city.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am not exaggerating when I say that there is an almost infinite number of situations when a horn comes into use…to drive traffic in Kathmandu…because every time I tried to keep track of them I got lost!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I tell you, apart from Mount Everest, this country will next be known for its intimate knowledge of the million and one use of a horn!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So anyway\u2026..<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We, the Americans, have given the world a lot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now here, my fellow Americans, is something I give you from the other side of the world…from Kathmandu, Nepal, the top ten horn rules, obviously with all due deference to David Letterman of The Late Show with David Letterman<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

NO. 10.<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Toot your horn when you want to say, \u201cNo sudden moves now, I am warning you, I am in your vicinity!\u201d to the pedestrians around you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

NO. 9.<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Toot your horn when you want to say, \u201cWatch out, I am coming up from behind\u201d to the vehicle directly in front of you!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

NO. 8.<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Toot your horn when you want to say, “Get the hell out of my way you stupid, old cow” to a stupid, old…cow sprawled and ruminating in the middle of the road!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

NO. 7.<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Toot your horn when you want to say, \u201cI am a big machine and I am warning you: get the hell out of my way or else\u2026\u201d to pedestrians crossing the road along a crosswalk<\/em> (zebra crossing)!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

NO. 6.<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Toot your horn when you want to say, \u201cYield, do not cross! Otherwise you\u2019ll have hell to pay,\u201d to pedestrians waiting on the side of a crosswalk<\/em>!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

NO. 5.<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Toot your horn when you want to say, “Make way…get out of my way…yield you stupid deaf imbecile…I am in a hurry<\/a>!” to the vehicle in front of you going along at a perfectly normal speed on a narrow, single lane street so that YOU can pass!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

NO. 4.<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Toot your horn when you want to say, \u201cIf I get in an accident, or cause an accident, or if I make yet another stupid move resulting in an accident, it will be your fault,\u201d to the vehicle you are passing on the wrong side<\/em> (from the left). (They drive on the left.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

NO. 3.<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Toot your horn when you want to say, “I don’t have time<\/a> for this, get your slow asses moving!” to the stalled traffic in front of you when you come up to a…traffic jam!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

NO. 2.<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Toot your horn when you want to say, \u201cFastest finger first you sucker! Now yield!\u201d to other vehicles at a crossroad (junction) in combination with flashing head light(s)!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

NO. 1.<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Toot your horn when you want to say, \u201cGet out of my way; can\u2019t you see me coming?!\u201d to the fools coming straight at you when YOU are driving down the WRONG side of the road.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

* * * * * * * *<\/p>\n\n\n\n

October 17, 2017 Update<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

I have bad news! The streets of Kathmandu is no longer filled with the kind of symphony it was characterized by in the past! \ud83d\ude41 \ud83d\ude41 \ud83d\ude09 \ud83d\ude09<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since April 14 (New Years day, 2074 in Nepal), the Kathmandu Metropolitan Police introduced only two horn rules for when it can be used: in an “emergency” and when going around corners! The rest of the time it’s banned!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To reinforce the ban, they have placed the following signs all over the city.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

On the streets of Kathmandu there is just one traffic rule: there are no rules. What rules is horns. Horns rule how, where and when traffic moves! Horns drive Kathmandu traffic. How?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":7323,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[163],"tags":[322,153,154,320],"class_list":["post-4357","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-leisure-musings","tag-kathmandu-driving","tag-nepal-traffic","tag-nepalese-culture","tag-satire"],"blocksy_meta":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.dorjegurung.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/01\/no-honking-feat-image.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2Jbro-18h","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dorjegurung.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4357","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dorjegurung.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dorjegurung.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dorjegurung.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dorjegurung.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4357"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.dorjegurung.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4357\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":30118,"href":"https:\/\/www.dorjegurung.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4357\/revisions\/30118"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dorjegurung.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7323"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.dorjegurung.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4357"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dorjegurung.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4357"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.dorjegurung.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4357"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}